On December 6, 2009 life hit me as I stood in my bathroom, looking in the mirror, and not knowing who I saw looking back. At that moment, I threw my hands in the air. I surrendered. While my family was sitting down to dinner, I broke. I spent the rest of the night crying and aching for answers to questions I had been asking all of my life. With my husband by my side, I wept and cursed and thought that it would all be better if I could just not be in this life anymore.
Since then I have been trying to figure out who that person was in the mirror, and who I would really like to see.
It takes a particular moment of absolute desperation to make a change. To face what we don't want to face but know that we must. I was completely stopped in my tracks by feelings of inadequency, lonliness, stress, and stereotypes. As I get out of bed each day, my whole goal is to stay as far away from that place that I was in on December 6. I resolve to move forward as painful as it might be. I will make the effort to face that person I do not recognize as my reflection and find out who I want to see.
